21 Day Flesh Stomping: Day 11, WHY I am doing this

I am doing this.....because she wants me to play babies and my head, my mind can barely imagine it.   Fatigue has become my playmate and my guide, with it, we have survived too many days.  The days I have to play dolls are quickly running out and I am  feeling their valiant feet cutting upon my heels as I try to stay ahead of them.

I am doing this....because my memory fails me. Pony tails blow in breezes, little girls run and jump and the best I can do is strain to keep my eyes open and try to remember the fleeting seconds.  And I fight the nagging, pestilent feelings that tell me, "You can do better, you MUST do better."

I am doing this...because too many days, eyes have glazed over, thoughts have been fruitless and failure to do better has won. The me, she has dark circles, she can barely even dream of doing better, but she dreams the day away thinking of what 'better' looks like.....but this time the me is winning.

I am doing this...because boys are turning to men before my eyes. Because they will choose a woman, similar in character to their mother, and I want the best woman for them. which means they need the best  mother now.  God help me, I will do my best.

I am doing this....because they never stop wanting to discover, and this takes energy.  Their eyes beg that I dig in dirt, that I discover and lead them in this world of endless discovery...they long for the mother, who was once a girl, to remember who she is and to lead them.

I am doing this....because no one should miss out on the glory of God's creation...no one.

I am doing this....because I want to be around for every glorious triumphant leap off of the ramps...they are numbered, and there will be a 'last'.

I am doing this...because the world is waiting, because they will need to find on their own, the heart of Christ, and He tells me to be obedient, to be self-controlled, to be led by His Spirit, to not walk in my sinful desires....it's because they are watching and I am their most profound, tangible example.  

 

You can do it too! Join me!

(Not sure what I am talking about? You can start by reading Day 1 of the 21 Day Flesh Stomping.)

 

Love, 

Molly

Comments

[Molly Cook]

You are right, and I think we need to encourage one another, hold each other up...We are only human and He knows our frame. Love you sweet sister!

[Kim]

oh Molly, thank you so much. I am weeping as I type this. I feel the exact same way. I want to be and do so much more. My kids look up to me, regardless of what I do, that will be the standard they accept as the bar. This has given me resolve for this moment to be better, rest in grace, and rely on His strength to get me to the next moment and the next good choice I will need to make.